Do you sometimes wish it would be wonderful to have someone in your corner? Someone who won’t think you’re stupid, or your ideas are completely whacked, or that despite lounging around make-up free you are attractive? What would you say if I told you that you already had that person? And, that that person was you. And, that if you spend your life constantly worrying about what others think of you and letting your inner critic (or chimp) dictate the moves you make in your life you are not being that person, but sabotaging your happiness by being your own worst enemy!
Why are we so hard on ourselves?
The thing is, it’s so easy to belittle yourself and your dreams but so much harder to become your own fan club. But why is that do you suppose?
I know I’m my own worst enemy at times and do it because by mocking myself I’m saving myself from the pain of seemingly constant rejection; you’re ugly (yes, that has happened on many occasions), you’re stupid, you’re nothing, you’re unhinged (yes, that’s been said too! But to be honest, aren’t we all a little bit?) …
The problem is, it turns into its own vicious cycle of beating myself up, in a figurative sense. You end up wondering what’s the point of ‘putting myself out there’, when the world sees me like this, that and the other. So at the end of the day, you stop trying, and that darling is a bad thing.
Is life a battle?
It shouldn’t be, but sometimes life is about fighting for what you want. If you’re not prepared to fight for it, then maybe you don’t really want it that badly in the first place!
The thing is, you are the only one in charge of your destiny. Not your parents, not your partner and not your friends or colleagues.
It’s up to you, and you alone, on how you live your life, what’s important to you and what goals you want to set for yourself.
How can I stop being my own worst enemy?
Ask yourself what’s important to you. Do you know who you are?
If you do, never lose sight of who you are and what you stand for. If someone wants to dismiss you because you don’t agree with their opinions or you don’t meet their standards, then that is their problem. We are all unique and that’s what makes us human. Wouldn’t the world be boring if we were all exactly the same as everyone else?
But, I hear you cry, it’s all very well to spout that psycho-babble, but what does it actually mean?
It basically means three things:
- Forgive yourself
- Trust yourself
- Have confidence in yourself
The pain of the past, all those deeply buried grudges, resentments and hurt, gets buried deep within our subconscious, and because we don’t remember them we believe we are free of them. But we’re not.
They become energetic memories which can, if we let them run our lives, helping us to be our own enemies. When something bad happens in your life, do you get the same feelings that it’s your fault, you are the one in the wrong and that it’s because that’s what always happens?
That darling is all that buried hurt replaying over and over again, holding you in ‘victim’ mode. And by holding on to the hurt of the past, you give your power away to the person who did the hurting, allows your subconscious to rule and keep yourself locked in a vicious cycle.
When it comes to forgiving yourself, it’s not about excusing or accepting the other person’s behaviour, it’s about releasing those harmful energies that are holding you back and overshadowing your personal health and wellbeing.
If you’re ready to stop being your own worst enemy and let go, to forgive yourself and heal, here is a powerful freeing exercise you can do:
- Grab pen and paper and find yourself a quiet spot where you won’t be disturbed
- Go back in your life as far as you can remember and, without judgment, write down every single name that you see or hear, that you feel has created any type of hurt, pain or suffering
- Think of your parents, siblings, friends, neighbours
- Think about school and work
- When you feel your list is complete, repeat the exercise but this time write down all the names you feel have hurt you intentionally, or unintentionally
- Be honest about it
- Remember why you are doing this – because you are the only suffering by not taking responsibility for your own actions
- Then, and here’s where it gets a teeny bit ‘out there’, for each name on the list say:
- “I AM the Violet Flame. I forgive (name) and I forgive myself. Releasing all karmic energy that we have together in all directions of time, I send you peace and bless you on your way. I call upon the universal powers to cut any and all psychic cords between us. These cords are now severed, lifted, loved, healed, released and let go into the Violet Flame. My relationship with (name) is now completely healed. So be it and so it is.”
This may take a while, and if you feel you’re still having trouble ‘freeing’ yourself from a particular person, keep repeating the affirmation until you have forgiven them and yourself.
But, and this is a big but, just because you have forgiven someone for their part in your hurt, it does not mean that you have to resume a relationship with them, especially if has already been severed. Remember, forgive and move on, no going back.
What is the significance of the Violet Flame?
The Violet Flame possesses spiritual energy and is a combination of love, mercy, justice and freedom.
Deep in our heart, we always know what is best for us but we rarely pay attention or trust our gut feeling.
This inability can stem from not knowing ourselves and what’s important to us. Or failing to stay true to ourselves because of fear, external pressure or a belief that we are not worthy.
When you don’t trust yourself, you seek guidance from everyone else who will make decisions about your life for you.
How can we go from enemy to learning to trust ourselves?
Here’s a couple of things you can try next time you feel confused about a decision:
- Pay attention to your gut feeling. Don’t rationalise it, or talk yourself out of it, go with it and see how it turns out
- Make a list of all the times you trusted your intuition and things went well
The more you practice trusting yourself, the easier it will become. If your instincts turn out to be wrong, don’t stop trusting them. Simply accept it was a mistake, learn from it, forgive and move on.
Have confidence in yourself
If you have confidence in yourself, you move from being your own worst enemy to someone who can achieve the impossible.
Inner confidence comes from a balanced mixture of high self-esteem, a realistic belief in yourself, a good measure of self-respect and an accurate, positive self-image.
The way you feel about yourself, how you see yourself and how you believe others view you is key in how you live your life. It’s the very foundation on which you can build success and also the shaky ground on which failures occur.
By developing your self-confidence you will be able to recognise and take advantage of more opportunities that are presented to you. This is because you will have the strength and inner belief to overcome any obstacle that life throws at you.
Tips to improve your self-confidence
Here are 7 things you can do to help develop your inner self-confidence:
- Stop berating and judging yourself too harshly (there’s plenty of people in this world who will do that for you)
- Remember mistakes are not mistakes but happy little accidents that are learning opportunities in disguise. Recognise what you have to learn from them and move on
- Seek out the company of confident people and watch how they walk and talk. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, not put down
- Be true to your word
- Feel the fear and do it anyway
- Keep a diary of your achievements
- Practice gratitude daily and be thankful for all the achievements, big and small you had during the day
Don’t allow yourself to be your own worst enemy. Sometimes it’s just a case of putting yourself centre-stage in your life.
Concentrate on the positives in your life, stand up and be counted because at the end of the day when you like in the mirror you should see your best friend.
Wouldn’t you agree?
Until next time darlings.